I'm not that crafty, really

Honestly, how many people seriously thought the shitty looking Nintendo jewelry was for real or meant to be worn? Are any of you familiar with satire? Guess not. 

Well, here goes nothing....

Berlin told me she was tired dealing with all the Ebay bullshit and we should try another alternative way to sell our shit.  (By the way, that below is my wife Miss Berlin Deluxxe in case you forgot.)

So we said fuck it, let's open an account on the crunchy granola people site "Etsy".  Well fuck me. After minutes of posting our wares, other sellers and busybodies started talking shit about how technically our Nintendo consoles, games and accessories weren't really vintage and they were going to report us. 

They were acting like a bunch of 5 year old snitches. 

Fine. I read the fine print and even though a lot of my shit was 20 years+, which is considered "vintage" in Etsy standards, some wasn't. So what did I do? I disguised all my Nintendo paraphanelia as  wanna-be-generic-soap-on-a-rope style jewelry. I beat them at their own game. Bitches. A couple of enhanced breasts as a display rack didn't hurt either. 

Honestly, at first it was about making sales, but in the end it was just about good ol' fashion winning.

I've closed the shop now, and moved on.

Let's play some Monster Party and call it a night.

Virtual Boy

Up to date, this is my  prized Nintendo possesion, the

 Virtual Boy Kiosk/Game Display! 

This is actually one of three store displays that came out. There is a smaller counter model as well as a standing kiosk. Which is pretty fucken big. This is the medium sized kiosk. I bought this off a fellow NES collector who goes by the name of Cannibal_69. He has a pretty extensive collection, but unfortunately is selling it off. This Kiosk is in almost mint condition. All stickers and tags are intact, no scratches whatsoever and no missing pieces. And he included 10 of the 14 U.S. released games plus one Japanese game! I'll blog about these little gems in a later post.

Game kiosks were usually set up at stores such as KB Toys and Toys-R-Us so you can imagine how rare it is to find one in great condition after taking so much abuse from kids. Fortunately, mine was only put out for one day and then hid out in the back. 
This kiosk is very user friendly, you plug it in, switch it on and the marquee lights up.  As you can see below, this is where you'd insert the game cartridge. Pretty basic. Most of these kiosks had some kind of lock to prevent the demo game (Red Alarm and I think Mario Tennis too) from being stolen.  
The Virtual Boy really kicks ass as far as gaming goes. It got a bad rap in the 90's, possibly the whole seizure thing and headaches, and the fact that the actual presentation wasn't as cool as the kiosk. The graphics are great, 3-D, but unfortunately all in red. 
You can read more info about this kick ass gaming unit at Virtual-Boy.net. This site could tell you pretty much everything you'd want to know about the Virtual Boy.

For the record...

Berlin is far from being fat. But probably your g.friend is, or your neighbor's wife you've been jerking off to at the trailer park.

And she's a MILF too...

Taking It To The Ring

Some of my favorite games for the NES are sports games. Although I'm not a huge fan of sports, a few these games were appealing to me because I could challenge friends or my brother. For instance, Tecmo Super Bowl, one of the most kick-ass football games ever made. All you had to do is select the Raiders and do the first two running plays, which were mutha-fucken BO Jiz-ackson's plays! He ran ridiculously fast and if you combined his fucken blazing speed with the old, "zig- zag" method, you would destroy almost all opponents! His agility was totally exaggerated. He wasn't the only player in Tecmo Bowl with super human ability just about any team that was worth a shit had a super star player. If you picked the 49er's you'd have the dynamic duo; Joe Montana and Jerry Rice and you would dominate most every time. 

This clip is a perfect example of Bo in action. 

Another classic sport spectacular was of course....Mike Tyson's Punchout. I must say, I think "Iron" Mike is a fucken bad-ass muther fucker! I always have and always will.  I know, I know, we are all aware that he has what most would call a "bit of a temper problem" and he beat the shit out of Robin Givens and he bit off Evander Holyfield's ear and he did a stretch of time. But I still think he's one of the baddest around. I have to be honest, I haven't beaten him in the game yet I can only get to Super Macho Man, It's pathetic I know. 

This is fucken funny. He's totally whacking it in his chair...WTF is he naked! 

Let me begin by telling you I don't like this next game. WWF WrestleMania. My brother had a hard on for this game so I had to play it quite a bit. The only wrestler that I learned most of his moves was Bam Bam Bigalow. But let me tell you in this game it's tough to maneuver the characters. I do like the music on it though. This is your standard wrestling game and is definitely rigged. The game should've been called, "Hulk Hogan's Spectacular" or "Hulk Hogan Kicks the Shit Out of Everyone". Come on, this guys mug is on the front of the cartridge! Must have been the bleach blonde mustache. 

Anyhow, this game sucks as far as wrestling games go. I prefer Pro-Wrestling and WCW. 

  

Need I say more?

Half past Donkey Kong's ass...

What cooler way can you think of checking the time than on this cool

 Nintendo Donkey Kong LCD watch? 

I've rockin' this sweet game...ON MY WRIST! Fuck yeah!

I'm unsure how many of these gaming type watches Nintendo came out with, but I have seen Zelda in 4 different colors (Pink, Red, Black and White). Maybe there are 4 colors for Donkey Kong, who knows. Tiger Instruments also made a few gaming watches and handheld LCD's. 

I wonder if there's a Contra one ...

I just love a sweaty rubber wristband!

 It kind of has that, "Hello Kitty" mall-store smell...umm plastic.

This game is played pretty much the same way traditional cartridge Donkey Kong is played. It has pretty good music for such a small game. I'm still learning how to play it and yet beat the first level. I wish I would have had one of these while I was in school, it would have made time go by so much faster. I do remember other kids having them. Lucky bastards. 

BTW, do any of you remember those watches that were also TV remote controls? Pretty bad ass huh? I've been looking for one on Ebay but all I could find are ones shipped from Hong Kong. 

These are the watch instructions that came along with it.

Please feel free to drop me a message or comment if you have any more info on 

any of these products. 

The Four Score

This my friends, makes an NES orgy possible. Yes 4 at once- introducing the 

Nintendo Four Score!

 I mostly use this as my extension cord because at the moment I lack friends. You have the option of choosing between using 2 or four controllers and there is also an A and B button turbo activator. It's a great accessory when playing games such as R.C. Pro-Am II if the competitive mood strikes you.  Or if you want to prove who the alpha male is without having to piss on everything.

There are 23 compatible as well as 9 non-compatible 4 player games according to Wikipedia. There were also a handfull of 4 player adapters, but only two were licensed- the Four Score and the Satellite which I'll be blogging about in the near future.

This little plug here makes the foursome possible. 

It's not a very big item as you can see, but it's a pretty cool accessory to own. Keep your eyes open for one if your friends are up for  a challenge. 

To Collect or to Profit

There are those of us who collect for personal enjoyment and yet there are those that collect for profit. Sure, it is nice to land an item that is rare and worth a couple more bucks than say Mario Bros./Duck Hunt; but what the fuck is up with those dealer's who charge obnoxious prices, and not because the items are rare, but because they are a fad.

A rare game is one that was manufactured in limited amounts. I see some assholes on EBay charging stupid prices for games such as Metroid, and to top it all off they label it rare. Come on, really? This is a great game and I'm sure you can find it for a reasonable price at your neighborhood game store. Honestly would you spend $20 on "10-Yard Fight"? That game sucks. 

Because of collectors there will always be the law of supply and demand, but taking advantage of those who are looking for Super Mario because they remember playing it and would like to relive their golden years is a fucken shame. 

On another note there are those fucktards that buy a 20+ year old console and expect it to work like it was spanking new. Don't you think that if you buy a vintage console you should at least be aware of it's quirks (blowing on the cartridge, wiggling it in, etc...). Not all consoles need new pins ( sorry to all you guys selling 72 pins on EBay for $50 a shot). Pop off the lid and straighten them damn it. There are many sites such as www.instructables.com, other blogs and even youtube has videos of NES maintenance and repair. And shame on those that try to sell "Magical Console and Cartridge Cleaning kits". These ass clowns really need to go fuck themselves, fucken spin doctors. Get yourself a soft nail file, mineral oil, alcohol (careful on this one, it can weaken plastic) and even a diluted solution of ammonia will do the trick.

Anything for a penny huh? Maybe I shouldn't be so bitter and realize that they are probably trying to help out the economy.

Here's a good clip on how to straighten the pins out.

Another NES Mystery

I know I'm long overdue on posts, I've been dealing with scoring some major items for my collection. I have a real gem on its way. Trust me it won't disappoint and you might get to see some T&A while you're at it.

Anyways, here are two pieces, sans the headphones and short audio cable, of what typically would make up  the "GameSounds" system. This system would allow you to "keep game private" according to the box.  This is kind of similar to the JoyCard Sansui controller, which  in my opinion works way better than this plastic turd. 

 
They're small and slim as you can see. The transmiter sends the sounds from your NES to your receiver.  The receiver is basically a shitty radio. Not only does it pick up the NES sound waves, but local radio signals as well. Now this is what it's supposed to do. I just can't figure out what channel I need to put it on in order to pick up the NES signals.  I think my transmitter is broken.  I don't know... Once again another fucken mystery. Maybe I need one of those 80's headphones with the car antenna and dial, or the original headphones designed for this accessory. 

You can see here the slide cover for inserting the 2 aa batteries they each take. It has a special clip that attaches securely to your fanny pack and the transmitter has velcro that fastened to the right hand side of your toaster.  They both have 1/8" inputs. That's all I have for this. It's probably a pretty good accessory if I had all the parts. Once again, if you know anything about this shit, please enlighten me via comments.

In Control- Another QuickShot Controller

Let me tell you about the QuickShot model no: QS-130N. This joystick controller is a pretty kick ass one. So far, this is my favorite one of my collection. It's your standard joystick controller; it features a pistol grip, and it's comfortable enough for both left and right hand use. It was only $.59 at the thrift store! I used an exclamation mark because I am all for the excitement.

The controller consists of 4 buttons and 1 switch. The trigger is the A button, the large red one is the B button, left is start and right is select. The switch is to enable auto (turbo) off/on.

I like to use this controller to defend Democracy on games such as Airwolf. Why? Because Stringfellow Hawke is a bad ass, and Dominic Santini, Ernest Borgnine, fucken slays me. Just look at him... Seriously, he doesn't know how to work on helicopters. Just look at that face!
He's a great American.

Menace Beach

Hello sports fans! So I got a new game on Friday, Menace Beach. This is a "Color Dreams" creation which means that it's a unlicensed game. I read on Digital Press that it was the only game to ever get censored by Game Players' magazine. Why? Is it unholy? Is it gory? No and no. It depicts light bondage in the form of a pixelized broad tied up against a wall by Demon Dan. This guy has a serious fetish and bad taste. The victim spends her time bitching, nagging and putting down her boyfriend, the hero, who is a skateboard riding midget. This game should be called, "Menace Bitch".
This game consists of 12 levels which can be challenging. Throughout these levels you encounter ninjas, sumo wrestlers, killer clowns, stray dogs, Elvis impersonators, these hags that pop out of a box and give you the "kiss of death", throw a bomb and a bottle of ketchup, at least that is what I thought it was. At the end of every level, the girlfriend loses a bit of clothing, slowly revealing her hot 8-bit body. She's kinda stubby and too bossy for my taste.


When I got to level 8 or 9, I discovered a glitch in the game that helps you in completing the last few levels. I'm not sure if anyone has written about it till now, but let me share this tidbit with you.
While I was trying to blow up a sumo wrestler, I fell off the pier into the water. Low and behold, it wasn't really my end. I found if I quickly hit the A button repeatedly you can travel under the screen to the end of each level. When you get nearer to the end of the level, you have to quit pressing the button and this will kill you but it will get you closer to the end. You don't have to worry about lives because continues are unlimited, you will start over pointwise though. I used my MAX controller for the turbo feature which made it a lot easier.
I'm kinda excited about finding this little fuck up in the game...or maybe the game programmers put this in so you can get your peek faster....it's a mystery.



Fighting Demon Dan is not difficult, you'll have picked up some skills on your skateboard by the time you get to his ass. You'll have to do a series of Ollies on your skateboard in order to cause the rock-spikes to fall on Demon Dan. It takes 10 of these to kill him off! Which was a pain in the ass. Then you see a huge arrow pointing to the right, then you're at the soda shop...what?

Weird I know...at the beach then in hell then at a stupid soda shop with the queen of all bitches!

Oh, did I tell you the chick ends up with nothing but an 80's black thong and bra? Yeah, big disappointment. I was hoping she'd be naked.

So much for a "happy ending".

QuickShot

Remember the Quick Shot (Spectravideo) controller I posted a while ago? Well it took a shit and this came out- the QuickShot controller, model QS-126. Seriously, what the fuck were they thinking? It's a combination mouse, pacemaker, hospital bed thing-a-majig and controller looking peripheral.

It is roughly the same size of a standard controller... except it sucks. The A & B buttons are located on the top upper corners so this control has to be held as if it was a stopwatch. If the QuickShot people were trying to make this ergonamically correct, once again they fucked up. It's a silly piece of poop.

Maybe I got it all wrong, maybe it's for a certain game. Who knows. I sure don't care. I just wanted to share this piece of crap with you. You definately won't find this on Etsy, but if you do come across one in your neighborhood flea market, I can make it into a necklace and have Berlin model it for you. I'm going to play with it some more, maybe I can figure it out. If you have any info on this, hit me up.

Haters part 2

http://www.etsy.com/forums_thread.php?thread_id=6046850

Please include us in your forums next time.

Sincerely,

Big Sloth & Miss Berlin Deluxxe

Bringing Sexy-NES with the Power Glove!

I remember after seeing the movie, "The Wizard" I felt incomplete because my NES collection lacked Mattel's Powerglove. This was the ultimate badass peripheral to have and still is.

Released in 1989, the Powerglove consisted of a fingertip less, rubber and mesh glove that you could adjust and fasten with a velcro strip. It came in different sizes so even Mr. Banana Fingers next door could try his gaming skills.
The glove had various buttons on the forearm area. It included the regular NES control buttons, D-pad, A and B buttons, select and start. Along with this it had programmable buttons with the digits 0-9.
The Power Glove is a pretty complicated device, a larger scale of the Wii controller. It sensed movement and in order to make this feature possible you'd have to attach this silly looking contraption, sensors (3), to your tube TV. I thought the fucken U-force was frustrating, and although the glove is a cool item to own, it was a pain in the ass to use.

There are codes, just like the U-Force that must be punched in for each game, but if you had any problems, you could always discuss them with the trained personnel, or Mario and Luigi and ask them how the fucken thing works.

The Power Glove has its own cord, that you plug into the box with phone numbers on it, or whatever the fuck you call it. It has what I think is an Atari/Sega imput, I'm not sure, I haven't checked to see if it is. Then from the box you plug it into the console. If you want specifics there's Wikipedia. All in all, I enjoy using the Power Glove on race games like RC ProAm and of course Rad Racer (this is the first game I used the glove with). But as we all know, there were only 2 games designed to be used with the Power Glove, these were Super Glove Ball and Bad Street Brawler. Super Glove Ball is actually pretty cool, Bad Street Brawler sucks ass. If you're even going to bother having an original NES, add the PowerGlove to your stash.

I love the Powerglove... It's so bad!

F.Y.I. In regards to the boobs...

The talented and lovely model Miss Berlin Deluxxe, my wife, was courteous enough to model for my blog and Etsy shop. You can purchase her calendar HERE .
You can also find more of her on sites such as Atomic Pin-Up and Inkedgirlz.com. She will be modeling more for you and releasing a Nintendo themed calender coming out soon!

More 8-Tit NES Goodies on Etsy!

Play on!
Become a public follower of The 72 Pin and be entered to win a little box of NES goodies on my 50th post!