"How To Win At Nintendo Games"

Just how gamers can hop online nowadays and get cheats, codes and step by step gameplay; well back in the days us Nintendo Jocks had magazines such as Nintendo Power and books such as these, introducing....

How To Win at Nintendo Games by Jeff Rovin

The preface claims that:

"The key to winning is discovering the codes, strategies and maneuvers that are players' mostly closely guarded secrets. Packed with vital information- 

like training tips, layout of the screen, how to score, how you can move- 

How to Win at Nintendo Games will put you at the top of your form!"

Fuck yeah. I want to be on top of my form, even if it has taken me 20 years to get there! These books are actually pretty kick ass. I don't feel like I'm cheating the experience of playing the actual game and discovering all the little tricks on my own. Shit, this beats having to go on youtube and having to put up with some little turd walking you through a game that's older than his ass. It's cool that some younger kids respect the 8-bit challenge though. Jeff Rovin, the author, does a fine job with this series: 

• How to Win at Nintendo Games (red)
  
• How to Win at Nintendo Games #2 (green)
• How to Win at Nintendo Games #3 (yellow)
• How to Win at Nintendo Sports Games (blue)

I'll be referring to these books on future game reviews if applicable. 

These two books are the same one.  Just that in one of them Mr. Rovin had to clear his ass and let it be known he wasn't authorized by Nintendo to use their name. 

In this book (red) it has tips and strategies for 40 different titles. Yeah it's that intense. These 40 games are definitely the must have classics for any NES aficionado.
I'd list them but I don't feel like typing. 

I'll leave leave you on the edge of your seat, till next time cheaters.

I'm not that crafty, really

Honestly, how many people seriously thought the shitty looking Nintendo jewelry was for real or meant to be worn? Are any of you familiar with satire? Guess not. 

Well, here goes nothing....

Berlin told me she was tired dealing with all the Ebay bullshit and we should try another alternative way to sell our shit.  (By the way, that below is my wife Miss Berlin Deluxxe in case you forgot.)

So we said fuck it, let's open an account on the crunchy granola people site "Etsy".  Well fuck me. After minutes of posting our wares, other sellers and busybodies started talking shit about how technically our Nintendo consoles, games and accessories weren't really vintage and they were going to report us. 

They were acting like a bunch of 5 year old snitches. 

Fine. I read the fine print and even though a lot of my shit was 20 years+, which is considered "vintage" in Etsy standards, some wasn't. So what did I do? I disguised all my Nintendo paraphanelia as  wanna-be-generic-soap-on-a-rope style jewelry. I beat them at their own game. Bitches. A couple of enhanced breasts as a display rack didn't hurt either. 

Honestly, at first it was about making sales, but in the end it was just about good ol' fashion winning.

I've closed the shop now, and moved on.

Let's play some Monster Party and call it a night.

Virtual Boy

Up to date, this is my  prized Nintendo possesion, the

 Virtual Boy Kiosk/Game Display! 

This is actually one of three store displays that came out. There is a smaller counter model as well as a standing kiosk. Which is pretty fucken big. This is the medium sized kiosk. I bought this off a fellow NES collector who goes by the name of Cannibal_69. He has a pretty extensive collection, but unfortunately is selling it off. This Kiosk is in almost mint condition. All stickers and tags are intact, no scratches whatsoever and no missing pieces. And he included 10 of the 14 U.S. released games plus one Japanese game! I'll blog about these little gems in a later post.

Game kiosks were usually set up at stores such as KB Toys and Toys-R-Us so you can imagine how rare it is to find one in great condition after taking so much abuse from kids. Fortunately, mine was only put out for one day and then hid out in the back. 
This kiosk is very user friendly, you plug it in, switch it on and the marquee lights up.  As you can see below, this is where you'd insert the game cartridge. Pretty basic. Most of these kiosks had some kind of lock to prevent the demo game (Red Alarm and I think Mario Tennis too) from being stolen.  
The Virtual Boy really kicks ass as far as gaming goes. It got a bad rap in the 90's, possibly the whole seizure thing and headaches, and the fact that the actual presentation wasn't as cool as the kiosk. The graphics are great, 3-D, but unfortunately all in red. 
You can read more info about this kick ass gaming unit at Virtual-Boy.net. This site could tell you pretty much everything you'd want to know about the Virtual Boy.

Another NES Mystery

I know I'm long overdue on posts, I've been dealing with scoring some major items for my collection. I have a real gem on its way. Trust me it won't disappoint and you might get to see some T&A while you're at it.

Anyways, here are two pieces, sans the headphones and short audio cable, of what typically would make up  the "GameSounds" system. This system would allow you to "keep game private" according to the box.  This is kind of similar to the JoyCard Sansui controller, which  in my opinion works way better than this plastic turd. 

 
They're small and slim as you can see. The transmiter sends the sounds from your NES to your receiver.  The receiver is basically a shitty radio. Not only does it pick up the NES sound waves, but local radio signals as well. Now this is what it's supposed to do. I just can't figure out what channel I need to put it on in order to pick up the NES signals.  I think my transmitter is broken.  I don't know... Once again another fucken mystery. Maybe I need one of those 80's headphones with the car antenna and dial, or the original headphones designed for this accessory. 

You can see here the slide cover for inserting the 2 aa batteries they each take. It has a special clip that attaches securely to your fanny pack and the transmitter has velcro that fastened to the right hand side of your toaster.  They both have 1/8" inputs. That's all I have for this. It's probably a pretty good accessory if I had all the parts. Once again, if you know anything about this shit, please enlighten me via comments.

Death Race

Death Race is one of the many unlicensed games released in 1991 for the NES. When I first started playing it I was a little frustrated because I couldn’t figure out the objective. When you first start the game there is the usual 1 or 2 player selection process. In the 1 player mode, you have 4 playing levels to choose from; Rookie, Amateur, Professional or World Class. I’m barely getting through Rookie.

You then go through an item selection screen where you can buy, modify or repair 4 items that help you modify your car. You can also buy missiles, you'll need them to shoot down an annoying helicopter and take down missle silos! There are 8 levels, cities, across the country for you to finish off the bad guys and recover flags. You have to get these flags for a gate to open that leads you out of the city and on to the next level before time runs out! You start off in San Diego. After you complete each level you are awarded cash which you can use to upgrade your death machine.

This game was probably based on the 1975 movie starring Sly Stallone, Death Race 2000. This is a total fucken B movie. This flick also has a many similarities of what is and can go on right now in our country. Fuck.

According to the info I found on ever so faithful Wikipedia this is what this movie is about:

In the year 2000 the United States has been destroyed by a financial crisis and a military coup. Political parties have collapsed into a single Bipartisan Party, which also fulfills the religious functions of a unified church and state. "The resulting fascist police state, the United Provinces, is headed by the cult figure "Mr. President" (Sandy McCallum). The people are kept satisfied through a stream of gory gladiatorial entertainment, which includes the bloody spectacle the Transcontinental Road Race, depicted as a symbol of American values and way of life. The coast-to-coast, 3 day race is run on public roads, and points are scored not just for speed, but for the number of innocent pedestrians struck and killed.

There is also a remake of this movie made in 2008 called, “Death Race” as well. I am not a movie reviewer so you can check this out for yourself.

This is a fucken sweet and challenging game. I recommend it!

Little bit o' 8-bit tit

In order to grab the attention of all porn enthusiasts and pre-pubescent boys Panesian developed an unlicensed game titled, "Bubble Bath Babes." This game involved 8-bit nudity, bubble popping and an annoying soundtrack. I haven't played it much, but enough to know the object of the game is to match and pop 4 sets of same color bubbles, spell out a word by popping the bubble that includes the letter and unlock the various bubble bath babes. If this wasn't enough to get you going, maybe the adrenaline of getting caught would motivate you to finish this game ASAP.
I know my parents would have freaked out if they caught me playing a game that involved a naked lady lying on the bottom of the screen in a seductive 8-bit pose farting out multi colored bubbles.

I'm still confused as what bubble Bubbling Bunny wants to burst.

This gives me an idea, the NES has always needed a sexy element. In the next post, I'll be filling in this void.

Quick Shot Spectravideo (What's this for?)

The award for most worthless and awkward piece of shit controller goes to-
The Quick Shot Spectravideo Model qs-121!

This stationary controller is a really odd accessory. I tried it on Ninja Gaiden, Marble Madness and Rad Racer. When you push forward your character goes right, push back and your character goes left. This is all on the right hand position. ( A little slide tab on the side of this monstrous peripheral).

It could be broken, I don't know. Maybe it's for your foot? There must have been a game this was made for. If any of you have any info on this mammoth contraption, drop me a line. Meanwhile, I'm going to try using my foot. I put some games on the side and bottom so you can measure how stupid-big this thing is!

The Legend of Zelda

This commercial slays me! LOL (Check out the black power and reset buttons!)
Aww, the memories.

The legend of Zelda was the first game I beat. I can't remember how long it took me to do it, but I remember the cool feeling of being one of the kids who passed this game. I could never get through the second quest though. Probably because I was bored by then. I've never had a great attention span. Sucks when it comes to gaming (I'm on week 2 of playing Dragon Warrior, yup it's that bad).
You know what I never have understood about the game and I'm hoping someone out there can answer this? What's up with the grey rectangular "map" in the top corner of the screen in the overworld? I mean seriously, why didn't they just use a pic of a compass or not have it at all?
Anyways, I love the game and every now and then I'll pop it into my toaster and beat it in a couple hours.
On a lighter note, please enjoy this video. It's the remake of the original one:

The Aladdin Deck Enhancer...... mine all mine!

My new find!
The Aladdin Deck Enhancer, an adapter really, is one of those obscure peripherals that came out for the Nintendo NES. It was produced by Camerica, one of the major purveyors of unlicensed games, who closed down following the unsuccessful and late release of this product. The Deck Enhancer is a cartridge based system which allows you to play smaller, more compact cartridges. This was done in order to save money on cartridge production. The games themselves were sold off the rack and came in simpler packaging.
Instead of coming with a handbook like your typical NES game cartridges, the games came with a fold out, poster like set of instructions/walkthroughs.

Games made for the Aladdin Deck Enhancer included:
Fantastic Adventures of Dizzy, Big Nose Freaks Out, Linus Spacehead's Comic Crusade, Micro Machines, Quattro Adventure, and Quattro Sports.
Some of these games were available in the regular NES game cartridge as well.
There is also a list of unreleased games:
Bee 52, Big Nose the Caveman, CJ's Elephant Antics, Dreamworld Pogi, F16 Renegade, Go! Dizzy Go!, Metal Man, Mig 29 Soviet Fighter, Stunt Kids, Team Sports Basketball, The Ultimate Stuntman
Imagine how cool this would have been had it came out earlier. You could have carried more games with you and have spent less money on them. This is definitely a collector must.

Nintendo No-Friendo.... or so they say!

It seems that many times us gamers/collectors are trapped in an 8-bit world oblivious to what is going around us that isn't pixelized. Classics such as Dragon Warrior, Kid Icarus and even Tetris can do that to me. Nintendo no-friendo? Not really, not from what I remember as a kid.
I remember when I'd have my friends over, exchanging codes, passing levels and just plain having fun with our then high-tech gear. All the neighborhood kids loved gaming and although NES was pricey back then, it wasn't as ridicoulous as the systems nowadays. And so what if you didn't have a console? You probably had a buddy that did!
Watching my son play his PS3 I realize how things have changed. Nowadays, you are able to go online and play with others, this to me is impersonal even though you communicate through Blu Tooth or a headset. What happened to having your buddies over and playing Mike Tyson's punch out, can of RC cola on one side and a big plate of bagel bites in the other? You needed your friends back then. Nowadays, you get your cheats, codes and what not online. I remember walking to school discussing passwords with my buddies and running back home to try them out. Or waiting for the mailman to deliver your issue of Nintendo Power.
You didn't even need memory cards! Those were simpler times. Do I sound like an old man? Perhaps. Perhaps I just miss being a kid.
Nah, I'm still a kid at heart!

Adventures in Retro Gaming

My obsession with the Nintendo's entertainment system began in 1986, when my brother received a NES after wining the school spelling bee competition. Could you believe it was a $100 system? Yup, it was one of those special occassion only gifts back in the days. Although the Nintendo was not officially mine, I dreamed about being "the cool kid on the block", the one with the glove, the games and the glory, like the kid with 97 games and the Power Glove in the movie, "The Wizard". Unfortunately, I never had these accessories as a kid and so I made due spending afternoons playing Zelda, Metroid and of course, Mario Bros.
The obsession was revived last year on my birthday when I received a Nintendo NES. The monster was resurrected! Since then I have built up my collection, scavenging thrift stores, attics and sales for NES games and accessories, or peripherals as known in the gaming world, such as R.O.B. the Robot, Power Glove, The Miracle Piano, U-Force and Konami's Laser Scope. I even have Nintendo systems along with games and accessories for sale on EBay. All these things I will be reviewing and blogging about as the days pass.
Now I have officialy declared myself- The Cool Kid on the Block!
Hope you enjoy my blog,
The Big Sloth