It's on, Big Sloth is back!

After nearly a year since my last post I have acquired many new items to my collection. I have so much shit to show you guys (and gals). Among my new loot is the coveted:

Nintendo NES Test Station!

I know you're jealous. Don't deny it.

I stumbled upon this gem through another collector by the name of "Nintendo Dan". Nintendo Dan has one of the best collections I've seen, you'll see for yourself when I post an interview I'll be doing with him. If you're not familiar with the test station here's a youtube video that I found which teaches you all about this hard to find collector's item:

Here's a close up of the AV connectors.

As you can see in the picture below, I am using a Commodore 64 monitor because just like many of other test stations that are out there, mine is missing the original 9" panasonic tv it originally came with. I am also on the lookout for the Nintendo Service Station sign that would sit on the tv.

My test station still has the plate on which the tv is supposed to rest on.

You can remove it too.

Not only was this test station meant to test the working condition of your NES console and peripherals, there was also an adjoining unit made that did the same for the SNES. Rad huh?

It's really just a glorified Nintendo, but it sure feels good to own one finally.

Maxivision 15-in-1

It was a rewarding Nintendo hunt this weekend! It's most exciting when I'm able to find these treasures without the help of Ebay. When I saw the ad on Craigslist I was amazed that this game was being sold. I sent the seller my offer of $10, almost $30 less than what it usually sells for on Ebay. The seller agreed and I was pleasantly surprised to find out it came 

IN THE CASE, WITH THE INSTRUCTION BOOKLET AND NEAR MINT CONDITION. 

Fuck Yeah!

That's about $200 off the price it usually auctions off in this condition. This game was the last multicart game published by AVE (American Video Entertainment), American Game Cartridges and Colordreams in 1992. The 15 games included are:

1. F-15 City War
2. Puzzle
3. Pyramid
4. Tiles of Fate
5. Krazy Kreatures
6. Double Strike
7. Dudes with Attitude
8. Venice Beach Volleyball
9. Stakk'm
10. Deathbots
11. Rad Racket Deluxe Tennis II
12. Chiller
13. Solitaire
14. Menace Beach
15. Shock Wave

Shit, this wasn't my only lucky C.List find, I also was able to purchase the first issue of Nintendo Power magazine in ok condition along with 3 others plus the "NES Game Atlas" all for a whopping 5 bucks! 

I stopped at a local game shop I rarely frequent,  and I was able to pick up Bionic Commando and The Battle of Olympus complete in the box at $6 each. That's the shit huh? 

Shitty Nintendo Costumes...What Were They Thinking?

When Halloween comes around and you go to Spencer's and notice they are out of the "Free Mammograms Lab Coat" costume and the "Look at me, I'm the crazy pimp with the pink fuzzy leopard hat" or maybe you've played out the old trenchcoat and penis trick and are in need in something "original" to get you laid on this very spooky night do you think to yourself, " Hmm, how about a really homemade looking Nintendo piece of shit costume so I can be the laughing stock of the office?" I hope not, because then you'll end up right here on my blog like these people if I find your picture on the net. 

This man woman, whatever the fuck it is...this is the worst attempt at creating a Link costume I have ever seen. What's up with the crayon colored shield? hahaha Look at "it's" little Yosemite Sam boots.  

Did "it" swallow Princess Zelda? I didn't know that Link had lazy eye. Yeah, I have the right to talk shit because I made my son the most badass Link costume, but I was smart enough not to show it on here because some asshole like me might talk shit... Seriously though, when did Link start wearing tinted goggles? It gets a D - and the only reason I don't give "it" an F is because I'm a Zelda fan. What a fucken disgrace.

Are these supposed to be gay pig chefs? Why is that guy wearing a hemmorhoid cushion on his head? Well, I give them credit for taking their time to make these stupid costumes. These dorks get a C+ for effort and an F flamboyant.

Wow... and this fucken guy. Did he really think he was in any kind of shape to be MegaMan? Someone needs to change his diaper. Where the fuck did he find those pointy little Aladdin shoes? I would give him a B+ for the costume and an F for F.U.P.A (Fat Upper Penis/Pussy Area).

Now imagine this fucken weirdo giving out candies to your kids. No way. Look at the way he's looking at you. Look, look into his eyes. I think he was on the Halloween special of "To Catch a Predator". Whoa, what's the Windex for? Actually, this guy gets an A for this Bowser costume. And definitely gets a C for child molestor.

Come on. Really? How embarrasing would it be if your mom wore this Wario costume, at the mall? Maybe she forgot to take off her sweats and running shoes after working out to her to her Sweating to the Oldies VHS tape with Richard Simmons. This is not the image that comes to mind when thinking Wario. This picture speaks for itself. This costume deserves an F for fitness and a C for cheeseburger.

At least these people took the time to create a costume based on their favorite game unlike some frat boy who's too cool for school that you see at a party wearing a psychedelic Dr. Seuss hat with the "I'm with Stupid" shirt. Berlin thinks I'm an asshole for poking fun at these creative individuals, I just tell it like it is. 

These costumes suck!

"How To Win At Nintendo Games"

Just how gamers can hop online nowadays and get cheats, codes and step by step gameplay; well back in the days us Nintendo Jocks had magazines such as Nintendo Power and books such as these, introducing....

How To Win at Nintendo Games by Jeff Rovin

The preface claims that:

"The key to winning is discovering the codes, strategies and maneuvers that are players' mostly closely guarded secrets. Packed with vital information- 

like training tips, layout of the screen, how to score, how you can move- 

How to Win at Nintendo Games will put you at the top of your form!"

Fuck yeah. I want to be on top of my form, even if it has taken me 20 years to get there! These books are actually pretty kick ass. I don't feel like I'm cheating the experience of playing the actual game and discovering all the little tricks on my own. Shit, this beats having to go on youtube and having to put up with some little turd walking you through a game that's older than his ass. It's cool that some younger kids respect the 8-bit challenge though. Jeff Rovin, the author, does a fine job with this series: 

• How to Win at Nintendo Games (red)
  
• How to Win at Nintendo Games #2 (green)
• How to Win at Nintendo Games #3 (yellow)
• How to Win at Nintendo Sports Games (blue)

I'll be referring to these books on future game reviews if applicable. 

These two books are the same one.  Just that in one of them Mr. Rovin had to clear his ass and let it be known he wasn't authorized by Nintendo to use their name. 

In this book (red) it has tips and strategies for 40 different titles. Yeah it's that intense. These 40 games are definitely the must have classics for any NES aficionado.
I'd list them but I don't feel like typing. 

I'll leave leave you on the edge of your seat, till next time cheaters.

I'm not that crafty, really

Honestly, how many people seriously thought the shitty looking Nintendo jewelry was for real or meant to be worn? Are any of you familiar with satire? Guess not. 

Well, here goes nothing....

Berlin told me she was tired dealing with all the Ebay bullshit and we should try another alternative way to sell our shit.  (By the way, that below is my wife Miss Berlin Deluxxe in case you forgot.)

So we said fuck it, let's open an account on the crunchy granola people site "Etsy".  Well fuck me. After minutes of posting our wares, other sellers and busybodies started talking shit about how technically our Nintendo consoles, games and accessories weren't really vintage and they were going to report us. 

They were acting like a bunch of 5 year old snitches. 

Fine. I read the fine print and even though a lot of my shit was 20 years+, which is considered "vintage" in Etsy standards, some wasn't. So what did I do? I disguised all my Nintendo paraphanelia as  wanna-be-generic-soap-on-a-rope style jewelry. I beat them at their own game. Bitches. A couple of enhanced breasts as a display rack didn't hurt either. 

Honestly, at first it was about making sales, but in the end it was just about good ol' fashion winning.

I've closed the shop now, and moved on.

Let's play some Monster Party and call it a night.

Virtual Boy

Up to date, this is my  prized Nintendo possesion, the

 Virtual Boy Kiosk/Game Display! 

This is actually one of three store displays that came out. There is a smaller counter model as well as a standing kiosk. Which is pretty fucken big. This is the medium sized kiosk. I bought this off a fellow NES collector who goes by the name of Cannibal_69. He has a pretty extensive collection, but unfortunately is selling it off. This Kiosk is in almost mint condition. All stickers and tags are intact, no scratches whatsoever and no missing pieces. And he included 10 of the 14 U.S. released games plus one Japanese game! I'll blog about these little gems in a later post.

Game kiosks were usually set up at stores such as KB Toys and Toys-R-Us so you can imagine how rare it is to find one in great condition after taking so much abuse from kids. Fortunately, mine was only put out for one day and then hid out in the back. 
This kiosk is very user friendly, you plug it in, switch it on and the marquee lights up.  As you can see below, this is where you'd insert the game cartridge. Pretty basic. Most of these kiosks had some kind of lock to prevent the demo game (Red Alarm and I think Mario Tennis too) from being stolen.  
The Virtual Boy really kicks ass as far as gaming goes. It got a bad rap in the 90's, possibly the whole seizure thing and headaches, and the fact that the actual presentation wasn't as cool as the kiosk. The graphics are great, 3-D, but unfortunately all in red. 
You can read more info about this kick ass gaming unit at Virtual-Boy.net. This site could tell you pretty much everything you'd want to know about the Virtual Boy.

For the record...

Berlin is far from being fat. But probably your g.friend is, or your neighbor's wife you've been jerking off to at the trailer park.

And she's a MILF too...

Taking It to the Ring: ROUND 2

While playing Ring King, my favorite NES boxing game, I was reminded of something funny but mostly disturbing..."the between rounds blow-job". It's funny and all... sort of. How did these boxers get midgets to style and color their perms the same? Are they midgets going to town on these two gladiators or are they little broads? OR, are they kids? WTF? What kind of sick shit is this? I had completely forgotten about this part. I remember thinking it was funny when I was twelve, but this is definitely disturbing to me now. This would not make the cut for new game releases today. I hope the game programmers intended for the fellatious corner jockeys to "adjust" the boxers' shorts ...nope, they're definitely slobbin those knobs!  So I was cruising the net looking for a screen shot of this boxing bukaki and stumbled upon a funny-ass site, www.i-mockery.com. Check it out, it's on my list of favorites. These pics are from their site and what an awesome site it is!  



WTF?

I talked about Pro Wrestling in the previous sports blog, this is my favorite NES wrestling game. This can be a challenging game if you have a worthy opponent. Pretty limited on characters but at least they had bios for them.  I like Amazon in this game. His special moves are a bite to the face (Tyson style, fuck yeah!) a series of head scratches  followed by laughter! I find it humorous.  Do you notice an 80's trend? You guessed it...Hulk Hogan look-a-likes! Why does every fucken game involving a ring have a generic "Hulkster" in it? Good 80's marketing strategy I'd say. What if they made Mega Man tan, bleached hair, rockin' yellow little panties, and wearing yellow knee highs? They probably wouldn't have made six Mega Man games with the "Real American" running around half naked.      

Look at the fake Hulk...take it....take it bitch!

Taking It To The Ring

Some of my favorite games for the NES are sports games. Although I'm not a huge fan of sports, a few these games were appealing to me because I could challenge friends or my brother. For instance, Tecmo Super Bowl, one of the most kick-ass football games ever made. All you had to do is select the Raiders and do the first two running plays, which were mutha-fucken BO Jiz-ackson's plays! He ran ridiculously fast and if you combined his fucken blazing speed with the old, "zig- zag" method, you would destroy almost all opponents! His agility was totally exaggerated. He wasn't the only player in Tecmo Bowl with super human ability just about any team that was worth a shit had a super star player. If you picked the 49er's you'd have the dynamic duo; Joe Montana and Jerry Rice and you would dominate most every time. 

This clip is a perfect example of Bo in action. 

Another classic sport spectacular was of course....Mike Tyson's Punchout. I must say, I think "Iron" Mike is a fucken bad-ass muther fucker! I always have and always will.  I know, I know, we are all aware that he has what most would call a "bit of a temper problem" and he beat the shit out of Robin Givens and he bit off Evander Holyfield's ear and he did a stretch of time. But I still think he's one of the baddest around. I have to be honest, I haven't beaten him in the game yet I can only get to Super Macho Man, It's pathetic I know. 

This is fucken funny. He's totally whacking it in his chair...WTF is he naked! 

Let me begin by telling you I don't like this next game. WWF WrestleMania. My brother had a hard on for this game so I had to play it quite a bit. The only wrestler that I learned most of his moves was Bam Bam Bigalow. But let me tell you in this game it's tough to maneuver the characters. I do like the music on it though. This is your standard wrestling game and is definitely rigged. The game should've been called, "Hulk Hogan's Spectacular" or "Hulk Hogan Kicks the Shit Out of Everyone". Come on, this guys mug is on the front of the cartridge! Must have been the bleach blonde mustache. 

Anyhow, this game sucks as far as wrestling games go. I prefer Pro-Wrestling and WCW. 

  

Need I say more?

Half past Donkey Kong's ass...

What cooler way can you think of checking the time than on this cool

 Nintendo Donkey Kong LCD watch? 

I've rockin' this sweet game...ON MY WRIST! Fuck yeah!

I'm unsure how many of these gaming type watches Nintendo came out with, but I have seen Zelda in 4 different colors (Pink, Red, Black and White). Maybe there are 4 colors for Donkey Kong, who knows. Tiger Instruments also made a few gaming watches and handheld LCD's. 

I wonder if there's a Contra one ...

I just love a sweaty rubber wristband!

 It kind of has that, "Hello Kitty" mall-store smell...umm plastic.

This game is played pretty much the same way traditional cartridge Donkey Kong is played. It has pretty good music for such a small game. I'm still learning how to play it and yet beat the first level. I wish I would have had one of these while I was in school, it would have made time go by so much faster. I do remember other kids having them. Lucky bastards. 

BTW, do any of you remember those watches that were also TV remote controls? Pretty bad ass huh? I've been looking for one on Ebay but all I could find are ones shipped from Hong Kong. 

These are the watch instructions that came along with it.

Please feel free to drop me a message or comment if you have any more info on 

any of these products. 

The Four Score

This my friends, makes an NES orgy possible. Yes 4 at once- introducing the 

Nintendo Four Score!

 I mostly use this as my extension cord because at the moment I lack friends. You have the option of choosing between using 2 or four controllers and there is also an A and B button turbo activator. It's a great accessory when playing games such as R.C. Pro-Am II if the competitive mood strikes you.  Or if you want to prove who the alpha male is without having to piss on everything.

There are 23 compatible as well as 9 non-compatible 4 player games according to Wikipedia. There were also a handfull of 4 player adapters, but only two were licensed- the Four Score and the Satellite which I'll be blogging about in the near future.

This little plug here makes the foursome possible. 

It's not a very big item as you can see, but it's a pretty cool accessory to own. Keep your eyes open for one if your friends are up for  a challenge. 

To Collect or to Profit

There are those of us who collect for personal enjoyment and yet there are those that collect for profit. Sure, it is nice to land an item that is rare and worth a couple more bucks than say Mario Bros./Duck Hunt; but what the fuck is up with those dealer's who charge obnoxious prices, and not because the items are rare, but because they are a fad.

A rare game is one that was manufactured in limited amounts. I see some assholes on EBay charging stupid prices for games such as Metroid, and to top it all off they label it rare. Come on, really? This is a great game and I'm sure you can find it for a reasonable price at your neighborhood game store. Honestly would you spend $20 on "10-Yard Fight"? That game sucks. 

Because of collectors there will always be the law of supply and demand, but taking advantage of those who are looking for Super Mario because they remember playing it and would like to relive their golden years is a fucken shame. 

On another note there are those fucktards that buy a 20+ year old console and expect it to work like it was spanking new. Don't you think that if you buy a vintage console you should at least be aware of it's quirks (blowing on the cartridge, wiggling it in, etc...). Not all consoles need new pins ( sorry to all you guys selling 72 pins on EBay for $50 a shot). Pop off the lid and straighten them damn it. There are many sites such as www.instructables.com, other blogs and even youtube has videos of NES maintenance and repair. And shame on those that try to sell "Magical Console and Cartridge Cleaning kits". These ass clowns really need to go fuck themselves, fucken spin doctors. Get yourself a soft nail file, mineral oil, alcohol (careful on this one, it can weaken plastic) and even a diluted solution of ammonia will do the trick.

Anything for a penny huh? Maybe I shouldn't be so bitter and realize that they are probably trying to help out the economy.

Here's a good clip on how to straighten the pins out.

Another NES Mystery

I know I'm long overdue on posts, I've been dealing with scoring some major items for my collection. I have a real gem on its way. Trust me it won't disappoint and you might get to see some T&A while you're at it.

Anyways, here are two pieces, sans the headphones and short audio cable, of what typically would make up  the "GameSounds" system. This system would allow you to "keep game private" according to the box.  This is kind of similar to the JoyCard Sansui controller, which  in my opinion works way better than this plastic turd. 

 
They're small and slim as you can see. The transmiter sends the sounds from your NES to your receiver.  The receiver is basically a shitty radio. Not only does it pick up the NES sound waves, but local radio signals as well. Now this is what it's supposed to do. I just can't figure out what channel I need to put it on in order to pick up the NES signals.  I think my transmitter is broken.  I don't know... Once again another fucken mystery. Maybe I need one of those 80's headphones with the car antenna and dial, or the original headphones designed for this accessory. 

You can see here the slide cover for inserting the 2 aa batteries they each take. It has a special clip that attaches securely to your fanny pack and the transmitter has velcro that fastened to the right hand side of your toaster.  They both have 1/8" inputs. That's all I have for this. It's probably a pretty good accessory if I had all the parts. Once again, if you know anything about this shit, please enlighten me via comments.

In Control- Another QuickShot Controller

Let me tell you about the QuickShot model no: QS-130N. This joystick controller is a pretty kick ass one. So far, this is my favorite one of my collection. It's your standard joystick controller; it features a pistol grip, and it's comfortable enough for both left and right hand use. It was only $.59 at the thrift store! I used an exclamation mark because I am all for the excitement.

The controller consists of 4 buttons and 1 switch. The trigger is the A button, the large red one is the B button, left is start and right is select. The switch is to enable auto (turbo) off/on.

I like to use this controller to defend Democracy on games such as Airwolf. Why? Because Stringfellow Hawke is a bad ass, and Dominic Santini, Ernest Borgnine, fucken slays me. Just look at him... Seriously, he doesn't know how to work on helicopters. Just look at that face!
He's a great American.

Menace Beach

Hello sports fans! So I got a new game on Friday, Menace Beach. This is a "Color Dreams" creation which means that it's a unlicensed game. I read on Digital Press that it was the only game to ever get censored by Game Players' magazine. Why? Is it unholy? Is it gory? No and no. It depicts light bondage in the form of a pixelized broad tied up against a wall by Demon Dan. This guy has a serious fetish and bad taste. The victim spends her time bitching, nagging and putting down her boyfriend, the hero, who is a skateboard riding midget. This game should be called, "Menace Bitch".
This game consists of 12 levels which can be challenging. Throughout these levels you encounter ninjas, sumo wrestlers, killer clowns, stray dogs, Elvis impersonators, these hags that pop out of a box and give you the "kiss of death", throw a bomb and a bottle of ketchup, at least that is what I thought it was. At the end of every level, the girlfriend loses a bit of clothing, slowly revealing her hot 8-bit body. She's kinda stubby and too bossy for my taste.


When I got to level 8 or 9, I discovered a glitch in the game that helps you in completing the last few levels. I'm not sure if anyone has written about it till now, but let me share this tidbit with you.
While I was trying to blow up a sumo wrestler, I fell off the pier into the water. Low and behold, it wasn't really my end. I found if I quickly hit the A button repeatedly you can travel under the screen to the end of each level. When you get nearer to the end of the level, you have to quit pressing the button and this will kill you but it will get you closer to the end. You don't have to worry about lives because continues are unlimited, you will start over pointwise though. I used my MAX controller for the turbo feature which made it a lot easier.
I'm kinda excited about finding this little fuck up in the game...or maybe the game programmers put this in so you can get your peek faster....it's a mystery.



Fighting Demon Dan is not difficult, you'll have picked up some skills on your skateboard by the time you get to his ass. You'll have to do a series of Ollies on your skateboard in order to cause the rock-spikes to fall on Demon Dan. It takes 10 of these to kill him off! Which was a pain in the ass. Then you see a huge arrow pointing to the right, then you're at the soda shop...what?

Weird I know...at the beach then in hell then at a stupid soda shop with the queen of all bitches!

Oh, did I tell you the chick ends up with nothing but an 80's black thong and bra? Yeah, big disappointment. I was hoping she'd be naked.

So much for a "happy ending".